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There was an interesting story a while ago in the NYT; the theory was that the popularity of true crime podcasts and more have made some women so nervous that they keep “if I go missing” binders to help investigators find them or solve their disappearance.

So let’s discuss — if you’re dating now, what do you do to keep yourself safe? (Do you have a “if I go missing” binder?) For those of you who are no longer dating, did you have any systems or habits? (Or do you think this kind of binder is better suited only to people who’ve had a bad breakup, an abusive ex, or other cause to be actively concerned for their safety?)

“If I Go Missing” Binders

This is apparently such a common thing that there are a number of Etsy sellers who sell “if I go missing” folders, as well as some album companies who sell such binders. Wow.

In the NYT article (gift link), they start the article by describing a woman filling out a (presumably purchased) doc or binder:

Christina Murray printed all 53 pages of the document and wrote down her information. There was space to fill in the make and model of her car; her exes and their last known addresses and phone numbers; and any debts she owes.

The document advised including a recent photo of herself (“high resolution, if possible”) and descriptions of tattoos and identifying scars. One page left room for Ms. Murray, a 36-year-old clinical director in New Hampshire, to log her fingerprints and passwords to her social media accounts. She then printed two copies: one that she keeps in her apartment, where she lives alone, and one that she gave to her employer’s human resources department.

(Slightly off topic, but I’d love to hear what you guys think about her giving it to her HR department…)

What I Did to Keep Myself Safe While Online Dating

But — and maybe this is me here — is this really a new thing? Back when I was doing a lot of online dating in the mid-aughts, I kept a folder on my desktop with any information about forthcoming dates that I could find.

(I went back through my personal files and found my folder — in addition to screenshots of their dating profile(s) and our email conversations, I kept a spreadsheet with all sorts of data such as length of date, length of phone call to set up the date, and other inane data that I apparently thought was important at the time. I would say it was Type A of me, but the I’m going to deduct points because the spreadsheet is in WORD, not Excel.)

ANYWAY: At the time I also had a dedicated friend who I always let know if I was going out, where, with whom, and if I got home ok. She and I had agreed on New Year’s to make dating our big project for the year, and then she went and met her husband by mid-January (rude!), but still agreed to field all my emails anyway.

So let’s discuss — if you’re dating now, what do you do to keep yourself safe? (Do you have a “if I go missing” binder?) For those of you who are no longer dating, did you have any systems or habits? If you’ve had a bad breakup, did you make such a binder?

(Psst: we’ve also rounded up personal safety apps, although it looks like only one of them is still in business. Do you have any to recommend, readers?)